Say I Can Be You (Love & Other Negotiations Book 1)

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The result? A new opening between antagonists. Negative surprise can indeed be effective.


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To leverage surprise constructively, we have to start with an understanding of what surprise is. Although surprise is fleeting, it is cognitively complex. In Surprise, a book one of us Tania coauthored with Dr.

10 Hard-Bargaining Tactics & Negotiation Skills

When something unexpected happens, we freeze. A P brainwave mutes all other cognitive processes and forces us to focus on the discrepancy. Next, our brains attempt to find an explanation.


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Once we reach a conclusion, we experience a cognitive and emotional shift. We also shift our perspective i. Now I realize Y. Last, to make sense of the surprise and reduce its cognitive burden, we share it with others. Now, consider how the Surprise Sequence can play out in a negotiation. First you freeze like a computer stuck in loading mode.

A positive surprise, on the other hand, like an unexpected signing bonus, would leave you feeling like you walked away with the best deal in the world whether or not you did. Given how destabilizing surprise can be, it is best to assume it will strike. Though pre-negotiation planning is valuable, it is impossible to prepare for every outcome. But expecting the unexpected can reduce the disorienting effect of surprise and even let us spot opportunities to use it for good.

Rather than allowing themselves to jump shift to a conclusion, they suspend judgement and step into question-asking mode. Research by the Huthwaite Group found that expert negotiators ask twice as many questions as their average counterparts. They spend roughly Our research at LifeLabs Learning revealed a similar pattern. What would getting a raise mean to you personally? Before, during, and even after the negotiation, get to a state of curiosity. Just as in improv, an unexpected suggestion during a negotiation can lead to a better and more creative outcome than either partner anticipated.

Yet most of us quickly shut down surprise since it threatens our plans. For example:. We love this surprise skill because it pushes negotiators to generate more ideas and seek novel solutions rather than getting stuck in an unproductive tug-of-war between two fixed positions. Rather than allowing themselves to jump shift to a conclusion, they suspend judgement and step into question-asking mode.

Research by the Huthwaite Group found that expert negotiators ask twice as many questions as their average counterparts. They spend roughly Our research at LifeLabs Learning revealed a similar pattern.

Roger Fisher on a Better Way to Negotiate, Part 1

What would getting a raise mean to you personally? Before, during, and even after the negotiation, get to a state of curiosity. Just as in improv, an unexpected suggestion during a negotiation can lead to a better and more creative outcome than either partner anticipated. Yet most of us quickly shut down surprise since it threatens our plans. For example:. We love this surprise skill because it pushes negotiators to generate more ideas and seek novel solutions rather than getting stuck in an unproductive tug-of-war between two fixed positions.


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  5. In addition to handling surprise well, we can also leverage it to spark cooperation and creativity. For example, Roi had to negotiate with a neighbor who was angry about noise piano playing coming from his apartment. When the neighbor arrived at his house, he was ready for a confrontation. But instead, Roi asked him about his favorite classical composer.

    The best hard-bargaining tactics can catch you off guard

    The invitation shifted the tenor of the negotiation and led to a much friendlier relationship. An even more unconventional example comes from a warehouse supervisor we interviewed whose approach was so effective it continued as a tradition even after he left the company. Whenever his team reached deadlock in conflict or negotiation, he played his favorite Elvis album loudly and invited everyone to dance.

    Despite initial skepticism, his staff began to compete over who would get to play their favorite music. A surprise of any scale can have a rapid impact on the mood, process, and outcome of the negotiation and the relationship of the parties.

    http://visaka.parablu.com/locate-skype-on-honor.php Here is a list of surprises you can engineer to trigger a virtuous cycle of more trust, more creative problem-solving, and more collaboration:. And here are some unpleasant surprises that lead to a vicious cycle of distrust, animosity, defensiveness, and deadlock:.

    The unexpected should always be expected in negotiation. The best negotiators know how to reduce its negative impact and amplify the positive. So, whether you are dealing with playground bullies or adult ones and especially if you have been the bully yourself , we challenge you to apply one of the tools in this article in your next negotiation. The result might surprise you. Roi Ben-Yehuda Tania Luna.

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    Signaling collaboration can lead to a more positive outcome. Executive Summary In most writing on negotiation, surprise is treated as a negative tactic. Related Topics:.